People like poetry, and they also love humor. What could be the best of both worlds? The funniest golf poems in existence.
Whether you are looking for a poem about how bad you are at golf, or about your wife who wants you home instead of out at golf, you will find what you are looking for in this collection.
In this article, we gathered (and in some cases wrote) some of the funniest golf poems ever for you to read, sing out loud, and enjoy.
11 Funniest Golf Poems
Down below are some of the funniest golf poems in existence for you to enjoy at laugh at. Feel free to recite these at family gatherings or to a loved one.
1. Flog Is An Apt Anagram Of Golf by Jan Allison
“I’d watched the ‘Open’ and the ‘Masters’
And thought that l’d give golf a try
I hired some clubs and little white balls
From the tee I hoped my ball would sail high
I lined up perfectly and took a swing
But the ball stayed on that little blue tee
I tried again and missed it once more
I was a laughing stock for all to see!
If questioned about my handicap
I’d smile and say I don’t have one at all
The only real problem that I have is
I can’t hit the ruddy golf ball!”
2. Daddy Limerick by Leanne Guenther
“There once was a very sad daddy
Whose golf game was going quite badly
He looked left and right –
No ball in sight
I think that he needed a caddy!”
3. The Doctor’s Order by Sports Ruby
“I went to the doctor’s, to fix my sleep.
Got a chiropractor, to massage me deep.
As part of my diet, I am golfing every day.
Live on Greens, that’s what the doctors say.”
4. Funny Golf Limerick by w qw (on YouTube)
“In my hand I hold the ball
White and dimpled rather small
Oh how bland it does appear
This harmless looking little sphere
By its size we’d never guess
The awesome power it does possess
But since we’ve fallen beneath its spell
We’ve wandered through the fires of hell
Our lives have not quite been the same
Since we decided to play this game
It rules our mind for hours on end
A small fortune that has made us spin
It has made us curse and cry
We hate ourselves and want to die
For a promising thing called par
If you can hit it straight and far
To master such a tiny ball
Should not be very hard at all
But our desires the ball refuses
And does exactly as it ******* chooses
It hawks and slices and dribbles and dies
Then disappears right before our ******* eyes
Sometimes it’ll have a whim
Hit a tree take a goddamn swim
With miles of grass upon which to land
It finds a scrawny patch of sand
It has us offering up our soul
If only it would find the goddamn hole
The sky is dripping like a pup
We swim we’re gonna get the goddamn thing out
But we take the drink to ease our sorrow
Because the ball knows we’ll be back tomorrow”
-w qw (on YouTube)
5. 700 Yards by Sports Ruby
“700 Yards! I set a new record!
Sent the ball flying after it was hammered!
The distance was insane, beyond my brain.
But it hooked into the rough, making me feel pain.”
6. The Human Golf Ball by Sports Ruby
“I pulled my club back
Ready for a powerful swing
But I missed the little white thing
And fell Humpty Dumpty on my back
I tried to get up, but alas
It was no use, I was trapped
No one around, so I laid in the grass
This is the life of a golf ball roughly slapped”
7. Know Your Limits by Sports Ruby
“The chance of a lifetime
To prove myself one single time
Tiger Woods on my right
Had agreed to a friendly golf fight
I cockily mentioned my low handicap
To my surprise, he just started to rap
I knew he was serious, he wasted no time
To bury the ball beyond the tee line
He chuckled after a perfect shot
Told me “Now you go hotshot”
I felt a bit groggy, my meal had been soggy
But I stepped up, not about to say sorry
I raised my club back and unloaded my whip
But I hit myself painfully, forgot to clear my hips
Wailing on the tee box, as if I had stepped on Lego blocks
The spectators laughed, “that’s what you get when you throw rocks””
8. The Weekend Golfer by Sports Ruby
“I am the weekend golfer
I’m kind of a big deal
I’m a problem solver
Hole-in-ones are what I steal
Society is completely off
It thinks I’m dating my clubs
When I brag my wife coughs
She says I’m losing money to golf like a drug
I know who I am, a golf deity
I think my handicap lowered again
I snap back to reality
Oh, I’m fishing balls in the lake again”
9. House On Fire by Sports Ruby
“My wife is mad, unfortunately not mad in love
She says I play too much golf, gave my equipment a shove
“I’ll burn the house down if you play every day!” she said
So I took my clubs out and headquartered in the shed
I started practicing on my backyard putting green
The air smelled good, it was oh so pristine
Until I started smelling smoke, the smell was dire
I turned around and woah, the house was on fire!”
10. Ruin by Sports Ruby
“Never let anyone ruin your golf round
Never let them during your swing make a sound
Never let any person ruin your golf time
You can ruin it yourself like every time
Unintentional hooks and slices
Only a couple of your vices
Your score is already 3 digits long
And you barely listened to 5 songs
Never let anyone ruin your score
You know you can do it so much more!
Never let anyone ruin your hole!
You could not sink the ball
Even if it were carried by a friendly mole!”
11. Christmas On The Golf Course by Sports Ruby
“It’s Christmas on the course!
I’m yelling my voice is hoarse…
I feel so happy with snowballs in hand
A big pyramid, with balls that stand…
I grab a snowball and pull my arm back
My friend shrieks oh man do not attack!
I say “What? I can’t throw snow balls?”
He yells “Hold on! Those are golf balls!””
There you go! Those were some of the funniest golf poems currently in existence, and we will update this list over time to add more funny golf poems.
We sincerely hope these poems got a chuckle or two out of you, and encourage you to share some of these with your friends and family! Memorize some of these to become the life of the party at a golf course!
What is your favorite funny golf poem on this list? What are poems you would like us to add to this list? Let us know in the comments down below!