11 Funniest Golf Poems – Funny Golf Poetry

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People like poetry, and they also love humor. What could be the best of both worlds? The funniest golf poems in existence.

Whether you are looking for a poem about how bad you are at golf, or about your wife who wants you home instead of out at golf, you will find what you are looking for in this collection.

In this article, we gathered (and in some cases wrote) some of the funniest golf poems ever for you to read, sing out loud, and enjoy.

11 Funniest Golf Poems

Down below are some of the funniest golf poems in existence for you to enjoy at laugh at. Feel free to recite these at family gatherings or to a loved one.

1. Flog Is An Apt Anagram Of Golf by Jan Allison

“I’d watched the ‘Open’ and the ‘Masters’

And thought that l’d give golf a try

I hired some clubs and little white balls

From the tee I hoped my ball would sail high

I lined up perfectly and took a swing

But the ball stayed on that little blue tee

I tried again and missed it once more

I was a laughing stock for all to see!

If questioned about my handicap

I’d smile and say I don’t have one at all

The only real problem that I have is

I can’t hit the ruddy golf ball!”

-Jan Allison

2. Daddy Limerick by Leanne Guenther

“There once was a very sad daddy

Whose golf game was going quite badly

He looked left and right –

No ball in sight

I think that he needed a caddy!”

-Leanne Guenther

3. The Doctor’s Order by Sports Ruby

“I went to the doctor’s, to fix my sleep.

Got a chiropractor, to massage me deep.

As part of my diet, I am golfing every day.

Live on Greens, that’s what the doctors say.”

-Sports Ruby

4. Funny Golf Limerick by w qw (on YouTube)

“In my hand I hold the ball

White and dimpled rather small

Oh how bland it does appear

This harmless looking little sphere

By its size we’d never guess

The awesome power it does possess

But since we’ve fallen beneath its spell

We’ve wandered through the fires of hell

Our lives have not quite been the same

Since we decided to play this game

It rules our mind for hours on end

A small fortune that has made us spin

It has made us curse and cry

We hate ourselves and want to die

For a promising thing called par

If you can hit it straight and far

To master such a tiny ball

Should not be very hard at all

But our desires the ball refuses

And does exactly as it ******* chooses

It hawks and slices and dribbles and dies

Then disappears right before our ******* eyes

Sometimes it’ll have a whim

Hit a tree take a goddamn swim

With miles of grass upon which to land

It finds a scrawny patch of sand

It has us offering up our soul

If only it would find the goddamn hole

The sky is dripping like a pup

We swim we’re gonna get the goddamn thing out

But we take the drink to ease our sorrow

Because the ball knows we’ll be back tomorrow”

-w qw (on YouTube)

5. 700 Yards by Sports Ruby

“700 Yards! I set a new record!

Sent the ball flying after it was hammered!

The distance was insane, beyond my brain.

But it hooked into the rough, making me feel pain.”

-Sports Ruby

6. The Human Golf Ball by Sports Ruby

“I pulled my club back

Ready for a powerful swing

But I missed the little white thing

And fell Humpty Dumpty on my back

I tried to get up, but alas

It was no use, I was trapped

No one around, so I laid in the grass

This is the life of a golf ball roughly slapped”

-Sports Ruby

7. Know Your Limits by Sports Ruby

“The chance of a lifetime

To prove myself one single time

Tiger Woods on my right

Had agreed to a friendly golf fight

I cockily mentioned my low handicap

To my surprise, he just started to rap

I knew he was serious, he wasted no time

To bury the ball beyond the tee line

He chuckled after a perfect shot

Told me “Now you go hotshot”

I felt a bit groggy, my meal had been soggy

But I stepped up, not about to say sorry

I raised my club back and unloaded my whip

But I hit myself painfully, forgot to clear my hips

Wailing on the tee box, as if I had stepped on Lego blocks

The spectators laughed, “that’s what you get when you throw rocks””

-Sports Ruby

8. The Weekend Golfer by Sports Ruby

“I am the weekend golfer

I’m kind of a big deal

I’m a problem solver

Hole-in-ones are what I steal

Society is completely off

It thinks I’m dating my clubs

When I brag my wife coughs

She says I’m losing money to golf like a drug

I know who I am, a golf deity

I think my handicap lowered again

I snap back to reality

Oh, I’m fishing balls in the lake again”

-Sports Ruby

9. House On Fire by Sports Ruby

“My wife is mad, unfortunately not mad in love

She says I play too much golf, gave my equipment a shove

“I’ll burn the house down if you play every day!” she said

So I took my clubs out and headquartered in the shed

I started practicing on my backyard putting green

The air smelled good, it was oh so pristine

Until I started smelling smoke, the smell was dire

I turned around and woah, the house was on fire!”

-Sports Ruby

10. Ruin by Sports Ruby

“Never let anyone ruin your golf round

Never let them during your swing make a sound

Never let any person ruin your golf time

You can ruin it yourself like every time

Unintentional hooks and slices

Only a couple of your vices

Your score is already 3 digits long

And you barely listened to 5 songs

Never let anyone ruin your score

You know you can do it so much more!

Never let anyone ruin your hole!

You could not sink the ball

Even if it were carried by a friendly mole!”

-Sports Ruby

11. Christmas On The Golf Course by Sports Ruby

“It’s Christmas on the course!

I’m yelling my voice is hoarse…

I feel so happy with snowballs in hand

A big pyramid, with balls that stand…

I grab a snowball and pull my arm back

My friend shrieks oh man do not attack!

I say “What? I can’t throw snow balls?”

He yells “Hold on! Those are golf balls!””

-Sports Ruby

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Conclusion

There you go! Those were some of the funniest golf poems currently in existence, and we will update this list over time to add more funny golf poems.

We sincerely hope these poems got a chuckle or two out of you, and encourage you to share some of these with your friends and family! Memorize some of these to become the life of the party at a golf course!

What is your favorite funny golf poem on this list? What are poems you would like us to add to this list? Let us know in the comments down below!